i just wanna soil my oats bro
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we should paint friendship bongs
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