He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
