I just made out with a guy for $7.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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