Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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