I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
