the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
