Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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