btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
