Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Even my vagina gasped.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
FUCK WHALES
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
