The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
