I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
