My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
