So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
