I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
