I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
