New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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