i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
