Cold hands, warm shart.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
