That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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