i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize