shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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