I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
