I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
