There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
