when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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