i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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