pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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