Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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