Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
