My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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