He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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