She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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