theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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