Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
