hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize