then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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