He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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