my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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