he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
