The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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