it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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