i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize