i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
