I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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