I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
