I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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