Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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