You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
