Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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