I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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