Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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