What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
