drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
