omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
