Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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