He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
