I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
