You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
