She said her name was "party"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
