It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
