just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
