I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is my gift to your gina
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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