It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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