so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
