Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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