Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need a beard to bite.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize