Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize