Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
