When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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