i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
