Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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