Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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