Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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