oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
