Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

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(720): View more from Colorado

He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.

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(561): View more from Florida

I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.

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(360): View more from Washington

She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.

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(213): View more from California

Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

(201): View more from New Jersey

... and if i was..

(213): View more from California

Fuck. You.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.

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(302): View more from Delaware

If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.

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