Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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